Friends Back East

Where to begin...

The Manling is now 21.5 months old. Starting from the beginning of this month, he has really been incorporating more speech into his communication, along with his signs. He says "kees" keys, "gaaa" grapes, "baabaah" Pepper, Daddeee but still only the very rare "mahmah", "deedee" penis, dee!!! plane, "cay" cage, "no". and possible a few others. He is still learning more signs, though at a much slower rate since we are not going to sign class anymore.

Also starting at the beginning of this month, has come the tantrums and frustrations that typically start around this time. Sometimes it's been a challenge not to freak out back when he's being totally irrational. but since I know what it's like to be irrational since I had a wicked case of PMS this week, i try to cut him some slack. I have been trying to help him out with what I can, and if it continues, then telling him he can go freak out in his room and come out when he's done. Nothing really is consistent though.

He also finally outgrew the size medium Fuzzi Bunz. 17 months was a great run, and he's nowhere even close to needing the size large waist, but his height means he's way too tall for the medium's rise. He's such a bean pole like me, but eats everything like his dad. He has such a funny sense of humor, too, and if I updated this regularly, perhaps I'd have some examples for you.

I taught myself to knit this month, which was difficult. I started out trying to learn to throw continental, but couldn't get the hang out it, so I went to Posh, my LYS, where they told me I was twisting every.single.one of my stitches, and I couldn't get anyone to show me how to purl continental, so I switched to english style. My mom gave me some pointers, and I started making a basic rectangle in stockinette which I then felted and it's to go under our plants and fishtank to absorb spills. Probably about 6" through that, I knew enough about the anatomy of the stitches that I decided to try continental again and voila! I can do it! I'm so excited! I can't wait to make my first sweater, but I need more practice: I have yet to increase or decrease or do anything besides stockinette. I was going to take a class, but.....

The main reason I haven't updated in quite some time is because this month something terrible happened. On the 4th of July, my lovely and talented friend Jackie was killed in a car accident. She had moved to California last fall to go to grad school for acting, and she decided to go to Vegas for the holiday with one of her friends from school. On the way home, the driver, her friend, hit the median, and the car flipped over, and Jackie was killed.

She was supposed to come visit here for a few days this month, too.

The Manling and I went back east for the funeral. I first stayed a few days with Joe and Christine who showed the kid and I a good time and were more than accommodating of our needs. It was about time I had visited them since they come out here all the time. They live in a suburb right outside of Baltimore, which despite its reputation looked to be a cool city.

We handed off the Manling to my parents en route to Gettysburg for the funeral events. The viewing was especially hard. She had been dead for 9 days by this point and maybe it was that or maybe because she didn't have any eyeliner or makeup or jewelry on, and she was wearing a sedate looking baby blue twin set, but it didn't look like Jackie; she looked like a 50-year old matron. A whole bunch of our college friends came to the funeral, so there was some drinking, a lot of melancholy, and a lot of reminiscing. I tried to stay positive and have a good time since I hadn't seen some of these people in years, and it made me realize how much I miss my friends. Plus I knew Jackie would've wanted us to enjoy it, or at least that's what I would want in the same situation. The funeral the next day was equally rough.

Since I am still grieving, although it's not quite as immediate or sharp anymore, I think I handled Jackie's death without too much freaking out. This has just extended my time of sadness and introspection. I can't quite articulate it; I just feel like the loss of my baby so recently put me into grief-mode where I could "easily" shift into grieving for another. But man it sucks. Once again I had to think about the now cut-off opportunities that Jackie will never have. I completely lost it talking to her mom at the viewing. I had never met her before and all I could say was that I was so sorry; as a mom as well I was just so sorry. Then I broke down and cried heavily for the first time. I can't imagine losing a child. I lost a child-to-be, and that was hard, but a living child must be so much harder. I'm crying now just thinking about it.

I spent a few days after that visiting my parents. I was in PA for my birthday. A whole bunch of the Vidalia's clan went to Knoebel's Grove that day, a family-run family-oriented small amusement park. That was the first time the Manling has been on any rides. He looooooved it. I wish Mark could have been there to see it all, but he had to stay here that week. We went to see Mark's aunt and uncle at the hatchery. His aunt just got diagnosed with scleroderma, which was what my step-sister-in-law died from.

We finally got home and I tried to relax for 2 days, then Mark was off to Vegas for 3 days. He claims not to have enjoyed Vegas without us there but I don't know if I entirely believe him. He got back, and we went camping with Pepper and the Manling. We went to this great campground in the Pike National Forest near Fairplay. I needed to get out of the million-degree heat we've been having all summer, and it was nice to see some greenery and wide open vistas.

My trip back east led me to really appreciate my friends and family more. I am more receptive to moving back there when the time comes. It's just not been a happy summer.