Thanklessgiving

My dad didn't make the effort again this Thanksgiving to call. I think he still might be offended/hurt/whatever over the Baby Shower Incident. Hmm, I see I didn't write about that. The gist of the matter is that Luanne's mom was throwing her a baby shower in Ohio, where most of our family lives. I thought I'd go, thinking I could visit my dad, and introduce the Manling to my grandmother and other family members who hadn't met him yet, as well as my dad's new (3rd) wife. He lost his license from a DUI and still doesn't have it back, yet drives all over the place anyway. I tell him off about that. When his 2nd wife left him, he lost his shit, and lost his job, then lost his license. I was a little surprised since about 5-10 years ago he said he was an alcoholic and stopped drinking. I don't know when he started again. Anyway, so he had no job and no license, but a nice drinking problem. He eventually got a judge to let him drive soley to find emplyment. But he drove everywhere all the time. And still drank and drove. He either couldn't get or wouldn't take even the lowliest of jobs, and had cashed out retirement to live off of. He finally, after at least 18 months, started working for his sister.

Anyway, back to the shower... he dropped the new wife off, and drove off to do errands. She barely said anything to me, but I was with my mom and other aunts, and I wasn't expecting to get to really know her. She made absolutely no effort, but I hear she's shy. Whatever. He came back, and started drinking beers on the porch with her as the shower wrapped up. My mom and Vidalias joined them, and when my dad ran out of his brand of beer, he drove off to get more. I was pissed. I had planned to have my mom drop the Manling and I off at his place afterwards, but he was so drunk that I scrapped that idea and went to dinner with my mom and some other family. I left the diaper bag there and had to come back. He had the nerve to ask why I was going to dinner with them. I actually was so livid that I told him that it was because he had made a series of poor decisions that day, and that it was because he was stinking of smoke; he tried to hug me while holding a cigarette. I was so hurt on the inside, though. I could not believe that he couldn't or wouldn't stay sober even one evening so he cold hang out with his daughter and grandson. I still feel so raw inside over that, and I feel bad for the Manling that he won't have a good relationship with his grandfather. I sent him and the wife a thank you note for the gift for the Manling's birthday, and repeated that I didn't like to see him, or her to allow him, to drink and drive. I didn't mention how hurt I felt; I should have. I keep making excuses like maybe he felt awkward being around me, and other things. It just makes me feel so small and insignificant that my father would choose alcohol over me. I hate him for that.

Another major thing that annoyed me this Thanksgiving was that Mark's dad didn't call us either. Mark called him after we left dinner at a friend's house. His new girlfriend answered the phone; he was out at the store. Mark has never met her, our spoken to her, and she immediately asked Mark if he could get her a discount on an mp3 player. Apparently, she's a lawyer, and has a duaghter at some really expensive college, but the girlfriend has recently gotten a part-time job at a department store. We have no idea what kind of lawyer would need a part-time job, or a discount on an mp3 player. Mark's dad asked Mark what we wanted for Christmas. Mark kind of blew him off. After 4 years of marriage and 6 years of being together, that man has gotten me one Christmas present ever. And no birthday presents. Now that I think about it, maybe that's why the Manling didn't even get a card; maybe just just doesn't do birthdays. I have a lot more irritation about him, but I'm moving on.

My 3rd most annoying thing involved Luanne and Thanksgiving. Being her and her husband's only family out here, I assumed ( and yes I know what assuming does) that she would want to get together for the holiday. Why, oh why, do I continue to labor under that delusion? I asked her their plans and she said that her husband wanted a turkey and so they were making one. That's it. Nothing like you guys should come up, or we should come down. Just that. Irritating. I will not make the same mistake for Christmas.

The last bit of holiday scroogedom I will share, at least until the Winter Solstice, is that Mark had to go to bed around 6pm on Thanksgiving because he had to work at 4am. And of course the Manling wouldn't go to sleep until around 10pm, thereby throwing off his whole schedule Friday.

Grumble grumble.