Dinner Party

Oddly enough, after that last post, I think I've had some improvement on the friends front. Wednesday night, Mark, the Manling and I went over to K&R's house for dinner, also meeting up with E&M, and each couple's baby. We met them at our birth class. The six of us have all said we didn't expect to make friends at that class; hell, we didn't expect to even like it!

It truly is wonderful to have some women to talk to who are going through the same situations that I am learning how to be a mother. We all are in our early 30s, all have first babies, and they are all sons. R. and I are breastfeeding and staying at home; E. was an exclusive pumper for the first 3 months and has since gone back to work part-time and has switched to formula. We shared dinner and drinks and talked all night about how the boys have changed us, emotionally, hormonally, physically, economically, career-wise, etc. This helped push back the nagging monsters in my head a bit.

The funniest moment came when the Manling was face to face with E&M's baby, A. He's the youngest and the smallest, but has the most hair. He was looking at Manling, reaching out, and chatting. For some reason, the Manling started looking concerned and started to cry. Every time A. tried to be friendly, Manling would cry. It was a riot. In contrast, the Manling was fine when he was around K&R's baby, L., who is the middle baby but the largest.

Mark and I talked when we got home about how surprised we are to have made friends like this. Normal people we call them- not barhoppers, punkrawkers, skateboarders, or deviants. And how good it feels. And at least on my part, I feel like they actually give a crap about me.

K. had made a comment at dinner about how it was nice to have "dog people" over so they wouldn't have to put their dog away. I felt exactly the same way about these "baby people." It's so wonderful to have friends who acknowledge my baby and want to see him and us.

And I'm not sure if it's because I'm a mother now: went through all the humbling changes during pregnancy and labor and learning how to love and care for an infant, but I feel like I'm softening up. I don't feel so bothered by the little stuff anymore; I'm more laidback, humble, and open to change. I still feel awkward when making small talk, but I think that will come in time. Plus I always have the Manling to talk about. I'm still too shy to try to join the local mommies group, though.

Both couples have the most amazing older houses that they've extensively remodelled. They are much larger than ours, and definitely less cluttered. Both women are also really good cooks. I want to invite them over, to reciprocate, but I'm really nervous. I feel inadequate in a few areas.

• Living room is tiny. There's no place to sit for 6 adults, and our couch/chair are mismatched, really old, and the cushions are messed up structurally.
• Dining room ditto on tiny. Have only 4 chairs. Not so big of a deal but they're bar stool height and I haven't found extras I like.
• Kitchen tiny as well, but that's not the issue. The issue being: I can't cook. At all. Seriously. What the hell would we serve????
• Bathroom is still being remodelled since before the Manling was born. Not an issue because we talked about that in our birth class introduction and we've been joking about it ever since.

I'm sure all this sounds not as serious as it is to me. I don't want to appear trashy. I want to keep these friends. I don't care about impressing them- that's not the issue. I just want to present a decent appearance.

I know "stuff" isn't what makes or keeps friendships. Me not working gives me more time to work on our house, just less capital to do it with. But the to work or not to work is another post. I'm content to be making friends for now.